At lunch with one of my best girlfriends AG1 yesterday, we got to talking about relationships, which in turn led to the question of fidelity or rather the feasibility of fidelity, which in turn - turned to the role of social constructivism in dictating the temper of intimate relationships between humans. Simply put, is monogamy nothing more than a social construct? Or is it something innate that is part of our genetic blueprint?Both of us, eternal pessimists admittedly, werent entirely convinced that human beings are genetically coded to co-exist in monogamous relationships for all perpetuity i.e. humans, people, men and women will inevitably 'cheat', eventually. Why? Because monogamy contradicts the one overriding genetic blueprint i.e. survival, cue arguments for and against evolutionary theory/natural selection/social Darwinism etc etc.
It got me to thinking... (always a bad thing). Perhaps the difficulty women (and men) have with partners who cheat, is not so much down to the physical act itself, but rather the deception, or lies that come with the territory. Hmmm I wonder. If a man (or woman) honestly said to the other, "I'd like to f*ck so-and-so, purely physical, I still love you to bits - are you cool with that?", shouldnt the rational and logical answer be something like "oh, okay, make sure to use protection"???Cue 'social construct' that has us all believing that life should be about one 'true' love, one person, one soulmate (and no one else,) forever? I blame Hollywood. Now, that has me sounding all broken-hearted and depressed, but really, I'm perfectly content. All warm and fuzzy feelings all round - so people, no need to worry ;o) This is merely an academic curiosity...
On a completely random note, last night I dreamt I broke into RMC (yes thats the Royal Military College) and rescued a childhood sweetheart from some sort of military evil... now what would Freud say???
Probably, that I've been watching too many episodes of Buffy, the Vampire Slayer!!!
I think I've come to the conclusion it is very much a social construct, and one that is increasingly destructive. Apart from the people waiting around for the One True Love, the whole idea of a nuclear family where just one man and one woman are looking after the kids leads to massive amounts of stress with lack of sleep and juggling child care. I'd always imagine that a 'village' sort of arrangement would work so much better, lots of people looking after a bunch of kids, where they can roam freer, instead of being boxed in and be comfortable around many more people. I don't think that is impossible in a city context either.
ReplyDeleteSo the One Man One Woman thing has repercussions beyond just their relationship.
I also think it is possible to go through the 'aaaah' heart stopping stuff for a brief time with someone else even when you are happy with another. All part of the fantastic colour of life and emotion!
yeah, pretty much blame hollywood, but I guess also the mythology we have all grown up with!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteYeah its a bit of a mind f*ck isnt it!?? I havent quite made up my mind, but am certainly leaning heavily towards social construct. Interesting idea re 'village' style community upbringing - would probably solve many parenting lapses/issues...
ReplyDelete